STICKS & STONES

April 1, 2012

HAHAHA AHHH SO CUTE!

This is real life…I have become socially inept.

Student teaching has really been draining. Mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. A little less than a month left!! It’s sad that I’m counting down the days but let’s be honest, it’s time to be dunzo. I’m truly so thankful for the opportunity to have been placed in a school that has really pushed me to be my best. So many days I left feeling defeated. Hopeless. Worthless. I found myself listening to comparisons of my classroom to other “exceptional” ones. Feeling discouraged, I just wanted to quit. I wanted to do the bare minimum and just get through the week. Forgetting to pray and rely on God for strength. I never quite knew what that meant until this semester. Resolving things on my own burned me out QUICK.

I often wondered what it would have been like if I had students who knew math facts, spelling, writing, etc…what a breeze…but I wouldn’t trade these kids in for the freakin’ megamillion lotto. The reason why I wanted a school like this or even considering CPS in the future is because those are the kids who look to school as their safe place. Teachers become an outlet of love that they don’t receive at home. Even if I don’t complete the year’s curriculum, I want to feel like I’ve given them hope for a better future. Success is the key to motivation!!

I guess all of that was unnecessary…see? Socially awkward…what I meant to say was, student teaching has taken over my life. I hole myself up in my room, lesson plan, and sleep by 8. How absurd is that?? I don’t even like going to the library because I don’t want to see people. I don’t eat my in suite. I lock my doors. I don’t know how to hold a conversation…….f.

Friends, just wait until April 27. I’m comin’ back!!

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January 31, 2012

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OMGOMGOMGOMG I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING….APW;OERIFJADKSLA HAHAHAHHHAH

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January 5, 2012

Pre-Flight Jitters & Thoughts

Chicago - Thursday 7:37 P.M

Korea - Friday 10:37 A.M

I’m waiting anxiously at the airport for technicians to fix my plane…praying that nothing goes wrong during my FOURTEEN hour flight. Oh dear God.

2011 has finally come to a close and 2012 has started off fantastically. Coming back to reality with a renewed spirit & a refreshed mind.

Things to look forward to:

My SG princesses<3
APT in February (hopefully not in April)
Student teaching
Applying for jobs
USA!!!!!!
Hunger Games movie :)
Maturing……….heh heh
Keeping my resolutions
SPRING BREAK!! Where to go…decisions decisions.

…and the rest of what 2012 wants to throw my way.

I should be boarding now….wtf!

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December 28, 2011

Korea - Winter Break 2011

About two weeks into this long awaited trip and I have nothing to say for myself. I’m feeling a mix of things right now because God completely intervened and shattered my expectations. He was not part of this equation.

Before I got to the motherland, I was so excited because my homeboys would be there and it’s been a minute since we’ve all been together. We sat for a while reminiscing about how stupid we were and laughed hysterically at specific events that took place. As I sat there, I really reflected. I reflected on the person that I used to be and person that I am now. I love them, but I can’t be who they want me to be anymore. I’ve finally come to this conclusion after 4 years of not being able to fully surrender…and now I have to let it go. I have to let them go. I don’t like who I become…it’s so hard to die to my flesh when I’m around them and the old me starts crawling out of my new, delicate skin. I caved and “experienced” Korea the way I wanted to, the way everyone does when they come here. By the end of the night, in the taxi, I left feeling empty & unproductive. I felt guilty because that was another opportunity missed to sow into our friendship and speak life instead of empty, shallow, words.

On the complete opposite side of the spectrum…….

Korea is just what I needed. Not Korea but what God is doing here. It’s amazing to me how God places people in your life that come back to find you in the appropriate season. I landed here on a Saturday so, routinely, I attended church the following day. My elementary school friend, Tina, is out here and I contacted her to see if I could go to church with her. Now, my brother had already hyped up “New Philadelphia Church” for me so I went in with high expectations. Needless to say, my expectations were met, and then some.

Worship was…..comparable to a post missions high. Here’s is my theory: during missions, it’s all emotions. You’re isolated from the real world and all you have to look to is God, in that moment. Post missions, you’re back, surrounded by temptations, yet you fight to keep your blessings. You still have that fire burning. New Philly…gosh, no words. They loooovveee Jesus. Love is an understatement. I don’t even know. A honest to God love affair.

I have never just stood in a place, overwhelmed by the Lord’s presence, and wanted to weep. Not hysterically bawl…weep.

I mean, okay, I cry a lot. But every bone, every inch of my skin, all my organs, literally everything felt the glory descending and blanketing me.

Shekinah Glory.

To sum this jibberjabber up, I didn’t expect to fall in love with Jesus again, especially here. What a perfect way to end 2011. New Years Day on Sunday…hallelujah. Wouldn’t want to be any other place than my Father’s house with songs of praise.

VEN ESPIRITU VEN.

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October 24, 2011

GROWING PAINS

Literally. Senior year is a huge needle in my side.

All that has been on my mind for the last 2 days have been portfolio.portfolio.portfolio. and crayons. Why? That is the theme of my portfolio. “Coming Together for the Big Picture.”

I can’t believe it’s that time in my life already. I remember elementary school like it was a month ago. Middle school like it was a week ago. And high school like it was yesterday. Where did the time go and why am I almost 22?!? *shudders*

This portfolio will be seen by my future employers!! EEEK :X One day, I will be teaching your kids….lolol. Trust me?

To Do List/Countdown:

Developmental portfolio.

Student teaching.

Final portfolio.

Apply for 10,000 jobs just for 1 call back.

GRADUATION!

If I get a job - find an apartment.

(Hyperventilate somewhere in between student teaching and apps.)

Sucks growing up but so exciting.

Here’s a little sneak peek of my portfolio. The introduction:

This art work is composed of 12,000 broken crayon pieces.

A TV commercial sums it up just right: “While walking in a toy store, the day before today, I overheard a crayon box with lots of things to say. ‘I don’t like red’,said yellow, and green said ‘nor do I’, and no one here likes orange, but no one knows just why. So I bought that box of crayons, and took it home with me, and drew with all the colors so the crayons could all see…that each of us is special, and everyone’s unique, but it’s when we get together that the picture is complete.”

You see, as educators, we may come across students that we don’t take a liking to. All of our future students will come from different backgrounds and will bring something diverse to the table. Each and every one of us, for that particular year, will “come together for the big picture.” All of our learning styles, personalities, and the chemistry we build with one another, will allow for a successful year. We may not see how to use the “unpopular colors” but they will be just what we need to complete the masterpiece. When I have my own classroom, I want to be ready to take on the challenge of finding use for those misfits. In August, when school starts, my little crayons will come new and sharpened, timid and shy, but when they leave in June, they will be smooth and will be left with little remnants of other colors on their tips from all the blending that was done to create the final product.

Would you want to continue reading my portfolio if this was the introduction? FEEDBACK FEEDBACK!!

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October 15, 2011

“when you speak i will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom, your ability to lead will remind me of Moses, your faith will remind me of Abraham, your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel, your inspiration will remind me of Paul, your heart for God will remind me of David, your attention to detail will remind me of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples, but your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.”

REAL TALK.

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October 1, 2011

YES. C’MON!! You are beautiful & called me Your own<3

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September 20, 2011

FANTASTIC 4 - FAB 5

I have 4 (rarely 5) amazing small group girls, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Initially, going into this, I was so skeptical. I felt forced and pressured to be someone I was not….like c’mon, I just returned back to the Lord, how am I of all people going to lead a group of growing girls??? It boggled my mind. But I realized a week in, it wasn’t about what I wanted. God’s plan for my life is slowly unfolding and I’m finding answers that I’ve been searching for.

When I was in high school, I went through a lot of crap that normal people don’t go through. I hated God for allowing me to go through that and I hated my church. I didn’t understand why I went through the things I did - except the things I did intentionally. At the time, I thought it was so extreme. I wanted to kill myself, I really did. But by God’s grace, I continued to suffer…even as I started college. The problems shifted from my family, to a boy.

Every Sunday, God answers the question, WHY GOD? I’ve been able to share my experience with my girls and teach them what God taught me through all of it. I had to get rid of the “Messiah Complex” real quick because I can’t prevent them from anything. I just want to be there to pour out my love on them just like we’ve freely received. I just want to be a walking example of God’s mercy. It’s so crazy to me how young these girls are…yet life stays the same. This world sucks and the devil won’t stop pursuing God’s children.

Some days it’s such a burden going to church because I can’t do anything to help them and I feel like my words go through one ear and out the other. But I find hope in the little things. God, You are my hope & my joy. I know I’m here for a reason, just show me what. Take me deeper…

My missions flame has never lasted this long…sad to say. But it feels SO good. I feel the Holy Spirit moving every day. Every morning.

I have finally found joy, even in my loneliness. Thank You Abba.

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May 11, 2011

The Best of Tumblr Blog - 1000notes.com: Top 10 Myths about Introverts

miayah:

rafonda:

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Boom.

Now most people think that I’m Extroverted because I’m loud… but after reading this believe I’m introverted…with a loud exterior when needed haha

mia - me too.

(Source: toob.us)

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this is amazeballs<3 I wish I could stunt with him! :’( Gotta get it in this summer…….

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